I’ve heard it said time and time again that we are treated the way we think we deserve to be treated, which, with lower self-esteem causes these self-fulfilling prophecies of failed attempts at successful relationships.

Perhaps my subconscious is betraying me but I really feel that I finally deserve more. Unfortunately, I can’t shake the feeling that I’m seeing all the same signs again. Weekend-only communication, attempts to rush into physical closeness, cautious friends.

I’m exhausted and I just want to have fun, but I know I can’t just have fun, I can’t compartmentalize like that. I wish it were socially acceptable to just flat out ask what his plans with me are but I know that is just a beyond terrible idea and I’d likely crumble if I didn’t like the answer.

Ugh, it’s so unnecessary to even be thinking like this right now, I’m just terrified I’ve resigned myself to these limiting, stunted relationships without even trying.

I suppose it’s a work in progress.